This was my first time on ski’s! I enjoyed it a lot, but it also came with a lot of obstacles that I had to face that week. I wanted this week to learn how to ski and focus on my own techniques. As always with new experiences, I began without ideas how it would be and with full enthusiasm.

Before we went on the ski trip, I prepared very well. I needed some extra food and equipment, so I went to the Sørlandssenteret and made sure I had it before we headed to Evje. This is a good improvement, because in the past I didn’t always manage to do this. I think that it also has to do with the way I am feeling about a week. When I haven’t done it before, then I am nervier and make sure I think about most things. This makes that I prepare properly and don’t forget things.

Day 1

The first day was relaxed, I was good in time on the bus station with a thermos of coffee! On the location we could make place in the little cabins of Trollactive. I was impressed by the location of the company, because I got some experience with outdoor companies and in my opinion was this location one that was very structured, detailed and professional. In my mind I started to imagine how it should be to work there. Not thinking of planning or availability, my mind took me on an adventure. This happens more often, but I let It be in my brain first, and maybe after a while, when I thought about it, listen to the ideas. So, for that moment I let the ideas for what is are and went inside for the first briefing.

Typical for my school attitude, I didn’t have a pen and paper. This is something I also want to grow in, because I can’t remember all the things I learn. I have got a little book where I write things in, what I think is important, but I don’t use it enough in my opinion. The info for the first day clear and I noticed that I didn’t talked that much. Normally I am talkative and react on the most questions the teacher askes, but this time I was quieter and more listened. I liked the fact that I could be that way, because I would like to be more controlled that always being in the middle of the attention. As I wrote before in my blogs, is this something I would like to control and to give the energy more to myself, instead to others or for being seen by others.

While we practiced the first days, I was very excited. I just tried to understand and do the technique as Sindre told us. I fell a lot of times, that was pretty hard for me. How hard I tried to do it as told, it didn’t work for me. As always, I am very extrovert in the things I feel and in that moment was a lot of frustration. I learned about myself how I can affect the group, without wanting to, so I tried very hard to not let my frustration be that much on infect on the group. Instead of that, I started to make fun of me falling. That also infected the group, but this time in a positive way. We had a good day and I really liked the first experience on skies!

Day 2

This day was more intense than the first day so it costed me more energy to focus on myself. While we had the longer trip, I was at the end of the group most of the time. I got again the frustration of ‘wanting to be the best’, what I had to let go. It was weird to experience myself as the worst sportier of the group. I can see that I am competitive in all the sports I do, because it gives me a feeling of appreciation. The focus of the day was for me to accept that I get the appreciation from myself, because I did it for the first time.

At the break I felt very good! The first tour went very well, and I got a lot of fun in trying skiing. Also, when we went a few times off-track, I did a good job. Trying and falling made me accept and appreciate the process of learning something, instead of being angry about it. A few times, people came to ask me how I did or how I experienced it. This felt very good, because I got the feeling that people cared about me. It was a good thing to feel and experience, because normally I am the person that cares about others or ask them if I can help.

Day 3

The third day the snow was not that good, because it didn’t snow for two days and it had been above 0 °C. This made the same route as the second day pretty hard. This day I felt it more in my legs and it was mental harder because we had less grip. I got the feeling that I didn’t learned anything and that I got only worst at skiing instead of being better. When I had a little chat with Malte about that about that feeling and he told me that I didn’t had to worry so much and that he also thought that it was hard, because of the snow. That made me (again) realise the fact that I don’t had so much experience with skiing and that it was harder because of the snow.

After the break we made a little shelter, where I didn’t really want to make the snowballs. Because I had only one pair of (not rainproof) gloves, I was worried to get wet and cold hands. I didn’t tell the rest of the group that in the first place and started digging. After a time, the rest switched but I didn’t. When we continued, Manuel was a bit irritated by my input (I said we needed more snowballs) and reacted that I should make a snowball. At that moment I realised that I had to tell them about the gloves, to avoid that kind of irritations. When I told them, they understood why I only used the shovel and did the skis. I can use this feedback, for a next time, just to be clear and divide roles before starting.

When our group started to vote what to do, going back or going to the top or going back to the bus, I started to worry about my knees. I made the choice to stay with the other group, who were going to make a fire and headed back to the bus. Normally I would say yes and go full power the whole week, but I thought about the rest of the week and made the decision. This is a good progression for me, what I would like to use the rest of the semester.

Day 4

At the fourth day we went to another ski area, so it was my first experience with ski- slope. When we walked up, we had the skins under our feet, because the snow wasn’t that good. At the beginning I found it nice to use, but after a while I slip as many times as the day before. That irritated me a lot and I stared to say ‘godverdomme’ again. This was for the group a funny word, because I always said that when I fell down and that was a lot of times. This time they saw that I was irritated and let me be for a while. Also, when Luca wanted to help me, I reacted a bit frustrated on her. At the break I sat down and looked at the few. This was a moment for me to reflect on my actions and felt proud about that I made it so far. I didn’t feel proud about my habits in the group and decided to do it different the second part. This was clear for the group as well and Melanie reacted with ‘are you feeling better again Haron?’, with a wink. I also said to Luca that I didn’t meant it the way I did to her and she reacted positive and that I didn’t had to worry about it.

The way back was hard and wet. I fell down more times than the whole week until that moment together! I laughed a lot, because everyone felt a lot of times and it was kina part of the route. It was a long trip down, so at one point I got tired of falling. I fell every time I had to make a turn. This was so exhausting at one point, that I unclip my skis and walked down. At that point I got al little frustrated by it, but I prevented myself from being angry

Day 5

At the last day, we had the worst weather of the whole week. Because the snow was melted and frozen again, it was very hard to walk up with ‘fish legs’. This also was for my knees the hardest part of cross-country skiing. We also had another instructor that went with us, because Sindre his son was sick. We did this day some extra navigation exercises with a map and compass, where some experience in got. We also went exact the same route as we did the second and third day. All these things I just described made the day very hard. My motivation was gone and wanted to finish the day. I understood the switch of instructors, but maybe I would have done a different route then the one we already did. I like to get new input or new situations to react on, so that I stay motivated. This was an example that I wasn’t because of the circumstances.

At the break I took the time for myself and didn’t said much. I saw that everyone was quiet and didn’t had much motivation or energy. Because of that, I accepted that it was the last route to the car and we had a great week. The irritation disappeared and made place for fun and joy, because I wanted the week to end with a nice feeling about it and not with irritation.

We headed back to the car and had a very nice last downhill, put our skis in the bus and drove down. I am very positive when I am looking back on the week. I made a lot of physical and mental progression. I learned to be less competitive and focus an being better instead of the best.

This blog is about the third Monday with the Norwegian students. This day we focused on the map and compass skills.

Because we went to the snow and slept in the bivaks the weekend before, I hadn’t so much energy to focus on myself. We were placed in groups on experience with maps and I placed myself on the place with the most experience. When we started, I focussed on Heige and Celina on Hanne, to help them with the techniques. We walked to the lake and I realised that Celina knew better why we were at the point where then me. This was for me a realisation that I didn’t had to show that I knew it better, but that I also could learn something from Celina. I started to ask her how and why she knew the place instead of defending. On that point I didn’t care about what the Norwegian students would think, but wanted to learn. I chose my development over my ego, because I don’t think that makes me better in any way. We went on and I walked with Hanne, to get to know her better as well. 

On the second point where we had to go, I (because of my energy level) didn’t really wanted to go to the cabin what was the specific point on the map. Celina wanted to go there and again I followed her, to be more passive than dominant. I made a few jokes about it, to relay the focus from my lazy attitude to the joy we had in the activity. I used to do this more, when I know that my actions are not focussed on learning, or if I think my habits are negative in that way. After the photo we had to make for points, we went back and we talked a bit about the life in Kristiansand. Hanne wanted to help me with fixing my bike, so she made a call to the bike repair centre. I really liked that, because I used to care about that for other people. I think that how you act to other people also comes your way and this was a great example of that. 

When we headed back, we did a hide and seek game, what went very well. Again, I followed Celina, to learn about the thinks she did, instead of being the dominant guy. I counted my steps the same as she did, to back her up. This was a great example to learn from for Heige and Hanne, because two persons checking each other is better, then doing it alone and maybe count wrong.  

The last game we did was about answering the questions and running to the bottle. If it is a game as that, I am 100% competitive. In this game I combined my spirit to win, with working together with my team, as much as my running qualities. In this game I didn’t cared about how people saw me, but I wanted to have fun. So, we made jokes and I ran very hard!   

At the point we were done and didn’t win, I already lost the focus on winning and only cared about the fun we had. In this situation you can see that I am more and more capable to relay the focus of winning, to having fun and learning from other people.  

It’s been a time ago that I wrote my first blog, but the second one is here! Maby because I need some more discipline… This is something what comes back, almost every semester a few times and it goes better since the beginning of my study, but it comes with ups-and-downs.

The second Monday we practiced with building a shelter or tarp.

The first thing what came in my mind was: ‘Show what you have got!’. We had a group with students that had some experience as well, so we could be a good group. I wanted to take the lead, but tried to let it slip a bit and give the leading to the Norwegian students. When there didn’t happened a lot, my ‘promotor style’ showed himself. The ‘promotor style’ as I name him (comminucationstyle theorie), doesn’t like to discuss a lot, or think about everything, but just go to work! I made with Life clear to divide the students in a few groups and wanted to make the tarp with a little group. This was a nice situation, because everyone was doing something!

One of the students that had the lead this day made clear that people that had experience with a tarp, couldn’t help a lot. This was a hard one for me, because I wanted to make the best tarp of all the groups. This has to do with my need to preform or to win. From my birth it is a thing inside me, what you can see in competitive situations. I try to let it go, and not let it dominate my way of acting in the group. Sometimes the feeling of wanting to win is bigger and stronger than my feeling of acceptance that I don’t have to win to get the attention or be liked by people. The feeling that everyone has to like me, is something I build up in my youth, because that’s the way how I thought people liked me. The opposite is most of the times true, because it can get a lot of irritation by other students. I am trying to help other people and be more patience if we are practicing. In the past I had feedback that I was to rushed and did everything myself because I could do it. My power now lays in helping others to get as much knowledge about outdoor as I have.

When the people who collected the wood were almost done, they came to our group, who did the trap. This was the point I realised there were more people there, who wanted to learn more about the practical things instead of watching us doing it. I tried to explained Leo and Malte how everything as knots, angle of the tarp and placement. Life and the other Norwegians also explained and discussed why and how to do the rest of the tarp and benches. This was nice to see, because everyone shared knowledge about the shelter and so everyone learned something.

After the building we made a round of feedback. I noticed that a lot of people couldn’t really hear the feedback and defended their shelter, most of the times with jokes. Because we decided to give grades and chose a winner, the focus was more on winning than creating a better tarp with the feedback that you get. Of course, it’s good to put a winning element in the clinic, to get more motivation, but in my opinion, it wasn’t needed.

After the first round of feedback the same feeling as before came up, ‘I want to win!’. I wanted it to make the tarp better with the feedback they gave us. Also, the bench and fire pit were replaced. I described everyone why and how I made the tarp different, to let them understand and learn from it. This worked very well and, in a few minutes, we had a better and tighter tarp. This left time to make decoration and another extra’s that let us win. The winning element this time made it more structured and controlled than in the first time, so I switched the way of explaining and working then the first time. This felt good and we had in our opinion the best tarp.

It didn’t really matter if we won or not, I can’t really tell because that’s not what mattered for me that day. What really mattered is that I learned the other students about my knowledge in tarps and shelters. I wanted them to know how and why I do things with tarps, in a way everyone felt free to listen and also give his or her opinion about it. I think this worked out very well and I am satisfied with the outcome!