It’s been a time ago that I wrote my first blog, but the second one is here! Maby because I need some more discipline… This is something what comes back, almost every semester a few times and it goes better since the beginning of my study, but it comes with ups-and-downs.

The second Monday we practiced with building a shelter or tarp.

The first thing what came in my mind was: ‘Show what you have got!’. We had a group with students that had some experience as well, so we could be a good group. I wanted to take the lead, but tried to let it slip a bit and give the leading to the Norwegian students. When there didn’t happened a lot, my ‘promotor style’ showed himself. The ‘promotor style’ as I name him (comminucationstyle theorie), doesn’t like to discuss a lot, or think about everything, but just go to work! I made with Life clear to divide the students in a few groups and wanted to make the tarp with a little group. This was a nice situation, because everyone was doing something!

One of the students that had the lead this day made clear that people that had experience with a tarp, couldn’t help a lot. This was a hard one for me, because I wanted to make the best tarp of all the groups. This has to do with my need to preform or to win. From my birth it is a thing inside me, what you can see in competitive situations. I try to let it go, and not let it dominate my way of acting in the group. Sometimes the feeling of wanting to win is bigger and stronger than my feeling of acceptance that I don’t have to win to get the attention or be liked by people. The feeling that everyone has to like me, is something I build up in my youth, because that’s the way how I thought people liked me. The opposite is most of the times true, because it can get a lot of irritation by other students. I am trying to help other people and be more patience if we are practicing. In the past I had feedback that I was to rushed and did everything myself because I could do it. My power now lays in helping others to get as much knowledge about outdoor as I have.

When the people who collected the wood were almost done, they came to our group, who did the trap. This was the point I realised there were more people there, who wanted to learn more about the practical things instead of watching us doing it. I tried to explained Leo and Malte how everything as knots, angle of the tarp and placement. Life and the other Norwegians also explained and discussed why and how to do the rest of the tarp and benches. This was nice to see, because everyone shared knowledge about the shelter and so everyone learned something.

After the building we made a round of feedback. I noticed that a lot of people couldn’t really hear the feedback and defended their shelter, most of the times with jokes. Because we decided to give grades and chose a winner, the focus was more on winning than creating a better tarp with the feedback that you get. Of course, it’s good to put a winning element in the clinic, to get more motivation, but in my opinion, it wasn’t needed.

After the first round of feedback the same feeling as before came up, ‘I want to win!’. I wanted it to make the tarp better with the feedback they gave us. Also, the bench and fire pit were replaced. I described everyone why and how I made the tarp different, to let them understand and learn from it. This worked very well and, in a few minutes, we had a better and tighter tarp. This left time to make decoration and another extra’s that let us win. The winning element this time made it more structured and controlled than in the first time, so I switched the way of explaining and working then the first time. This felt good and we had in our opinion the best tarp.

It didn’t really matter if we won or not, I can’t really tell because that’s not what mattered for me that day. What really mattered is that I learned the other students about my knowledge in tarps and shelters. I wanted them to know how and why I do things with tarps, in a way everyone felt free to listen and also give his or her opinion about it. I think this worked out very well and I am satisfied with the outcome!